I've been doing a lot of thinking over the last couple of days. Since I saw the beautiful property with the house on it, I have thought of little else. But I've been taking some time to be realistic about the options. Yes, I love it and I want it, but I want to make sure that I don't let my excitement overtake my common sense. Where is the line between an educated choice and a choice made from the gut? I'm still excited about it and I love it, but I'm choosing to be cautiously optimistic. I want it to be the RIGHT thing for us at the right time. This could be it! It's got me thinking of so many things, though, even outside the idea of moving and changing locations.
All of the thoughts of change have brought me to a little crossroads. Something has risen up in me and I don't know how to describe it. I have been waiting and asking God for months about what is next for me. I feel like part of the answer I've gotten so far is that it's time for me to learn to take care of myself. I often forget myself. I find my life filled with noise. I find that the reason I don't feel like I have a direction for the next step in my life is that I'm focusing on so many other things. I am busy a lot. I am distracted a lot. I don't pay attention to how I treat myself. I don't take the time to quiet my mind and focus on what God has to say to me.
Learning to really take care of yourself isn't a selfish thing, because if you take care of yourself, you are free to take care of other people. Your cup is full and you have enough in it to give away. I'm asking God to teach me to let him fill me and to teach me to truly care about myself.
I want to truly love me. I want to truly know me. The last year has been the beginning of a journey of focusing on what's important, and I'm realizing that I am going to have to start taking care of myself on every level. I am important...it feels weird to say that, but it's true. I want to be here for a long time. I want to show my kids that loving who you are is okay and it's a God thing. Some of the happiest people I know have learned to love themselves and to take time for themselves. I have joy. Now I am ready to enter a phase where I CHOOSE happiness. It's easy to choose to be pessimistic and down on myself.
Only God knows what other things he will reveal to me in the next while, but I feel like I'm on the beginning of something. One of the steps that has brought me to this little precipice is gratitude. If I hadn't started on the gratitude journey in the first place, I wouldn't be at this place now--wanting to make changes. I hate change, for the most part, but when it's God-inspired, I get excited. God is nudging me to make some changes, so stay tuned for what happens...I don't even know what to expect, but I'm okay with that!
I'm grateful for...
Making good choices. Yesterday and today have been about a shift in my thinking and in the choices I've been making. I have sabotaged myself so many times in so many ways, and I feel like I'm gathering the strength to start making better choices.
Change. I can feel it coming, and I want to be ready. I am going to take care of myself. I am going to allow God to prepare me for what's coming next.
A shift in my attitude. Something inside of me has shifted ever so slightly and I can feel it. It's a good feeling. It's like a switch was just flipped and I feel a sense of purpose washing over me.
Encouragement. Last night, I took the time to encourage Liam. I told him that I'm proud of him and of the boy he's becoming. I told him that I can't wait to see the amazing man he becomes and that I want God to help me to be the best mom I can be for him. I said that God has big things in store for him. It's true. I can't wait to see where God takes Liam.
Crime TV. Yeah, it's shallow...so sue me. I am fascinated by how some people were born with no conscience or by the way a life can be changed in a moment of thoughtlessness. I guess it also forces me to remember how blessed I am.
Blessings. I am grateful for the blessings in my life and I don't ever want to take what I have NOW for granted. Of course, there will be more blessings as life continues, but I want to focus on what I have now. My home, my family, my friends, new mercies, God's love...all of it is here for me now.
A snuggly 3-year-old. Tonight, Brendan came downstairs to cuddle with me instead of watching a movie upstairs. He said, "Hold me, would you?" I smiled, grabbed him up in my arms and he wrapped around me and held on. Then he looked up at me and said, "I love you, Mama." Ah, these are the moments I will remember...or at least try to. God, help me remember.
My hope is that you remember how blessed you are right now, but that you prepare yourself for the new things God wants to do. I find that Springtime is another instance of the natural reflecting the spiritual. I hope this Spring brings you new joy and new peace and an abundance of blessings.
Have a blessed day, full of gratitude.