Heart in the Clouds

Friday, December 31, 2010

Grateful - 12/31/2010

The other day, someone asked me what my resolutions for 2011 look like. I thought about it for a minute and realized I don't have any. I'm not really a yearly resolution type of person. Yes, a new year is a good time to start fresh and it feels like a clean slate. But I guess you could say I've resolved NOT to make any resolutions. I want to see where this year takes me. I want to see the plans that God has. I think that's because I've begun to learn the value of every day, and the value of resolving every day to be a better version of myself. New mercies every morning...

Last New Year's Eve, I thought about wanting to exercise more often to get my endurance and stamina back. While I didn't "resolve" to do it, I ended up doing it just because I wanted to and because I got addicted to walking outside, rain or shine. I have felt physically better this year than I have in years. I walked off periods of sadness. I walked off a tired mind, body and spirit. I walked off stress and fear. Personally, I had to turn my focus away from weight loss and fruitless resolutions of dieting or fitting into an old pair of trousers, and on to taking care of myself and loving who I am RIGHT NOW. Since I've begun to do that, I couldn't care less about those few extra pounds. I now feel like I can look in the mirror and love the person I see looking back at me, extra weight and all, and that (to me) is more important than any weight loss could ever be. Love your curves, ladies. You're beautiful as you are.

I guess the one thing I do want out of this year is something I can't really "resolve" to do. I want to get back my sense of awe about life. When you're focused, as I often am, on just trying to survive each day and to make it through as unscathed as possible, you lose the concept of the bigger picture. You lose perspective and the ability to see the little speed bumps in life's road for what they are...molehills, not mountains. I want to get back that sense of being small in the universe, and to focus instead on the beautiful life God has created for me. This year, I let a few molehills become mountains and I don't want to do that again.

Along with that sense of awe, I just want to focus on being open to whatever God has in store. He's already gotten me started in a few things that I'm looking forward to seeing the outcome of. I want to be more grateful. I want to learn from the bad and to cherish the good. I want God to give me more opportunities to be his hand extended to another person. I want to love my kids and my husband even more. I want to be a better friend. I want to have more fun. I want to be more content with life, but to also look for adventures along the way. I want to be less religious and more about relationship, when it comes to my faith. These aren't things I can really "resolve" to do, but I want to see them happen and experience the joy of seeing my life change in the process. Maybe you want to join me in not resolving to do anything except just BEING--actively "being", not becoming complacent.

So, to end the 2010 chapter of my gratitude journey, I only want to lift my face, close my eyes and say, "Thank you." There is nothing more I can say to the One who loves me most.

Happy New Year, everyone. May 2011 be your best year yet!

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