There are times where I'm faced with decisions and I have to make a choice of whether I will respond or react. If you've ever taken the Life Languages test, you know that a "Responder" (points to self) is passionate and quick to feel and act and speak without much forethought.
While I know that I resemble that remark (sigh), I also know that reacting isn't a mature way to handle things most of the time. So this time I'm trying to learn to respond, putting some forethought into what to say and not say, and also listening to my spirit and to what God wants to say.
When you feel hurt, it's easy to jump down other people's throats or snap at them or play the victim. I don't want to do that. It's immature and it's a sure sign that I'm not practicing what I preach. So I'm choosing to take situations more slowly and to think things through before I immediately snap to a decision on what to do.
I know that God is working on my heart. Forgiveness and compassion are in there somewhere and I know that God is helping me bring them to the surface. Sometimes, the way he chooses to do that is simply to offer me the grace when I'm enduring trials...accepting that grace is a choice, though. But I'm learning.
I was listening to "Music Machine," a CD of kids' songs I used to listen to when I was child. There's a song about peace, and how all that peace really is is holding Jesus' hand. It's easy to let go of His hand when I want to do what I want to do, but I don't want to let go this time.
Are my feelings hurt? Yes. But that will pass. The things I could say through the filter of hurt wouldn't pass as easily, though, and would do more damage than good. They would be easy to say, but impossible to take back. I am choosing instead to hold on to Jesus' hand as hard as I can.
Today, I'm grateful for...
Sunshine and warm breeze.
Lilacs under the family room window...the scent is amazing right now.
Rest. Although I haven't totally followed my "Do Nothing Day" rules today, I got a couple of things finished and I am now ready to relax for a while.
My sons. Even though I sometimes take their presence for granted, they snap me to attention with their kisses and hugs and their little thoughtful words that they don't know have such an effect on my heart.
Flowers and trees and singing birds...winter felt interminable. But it's over.