So I have had a lot of time to think about a lot of things. I think when I go through times of worry or I let fear creep into my life, my vision becomes clouded.
I get the feeling that God sometimes lets me go through times like this because he wants ME to see where my trust lies. He doesn't need me to prove anything to him because he already knows my heart. He isn't angry with me and he doesn't have an "I'll show you!" kind of attitude, but he wants me to open my eyes. I know for a fact what he's capable of doing, having seen many amazing things that can't be attributed to anything other than his divine hand. But when it comes to my life and my health, I somehow forget all the things I've seen and I allow myself to freak out.
I am learning through this time that my faith and trust aren't always in God. I am realizing that I need to change my perspective and that I need to begin to learn from this experience.
Do I know what's around the bend? No. Do I know what the doctors will say? No. But I DO know that God is faithful to me. He always has been. He always will be. It doesn't mean I'll never be sick or have problems or have stressful situations arise, but it does mean that he will be with me through all of it and will help me become a better person because of what I'll learn in every circumstance.
So many of you have encouraged me during this time and I appreciate your thoughts and love. I have also watched many of you, my encouraging friends, go through terrible trials of your own and come out the other side wiser and stronger. I want to learn from all of you. (Please feel free to give advice if you can!)
I'm stressed about things right now and I feel like everything is swirling around me while I am fading in and out of my own life. I don't want my existence to be like that, though. Life is too short and too much of a treasure to waste on worry or on any other sort of negative attitude. So I'm going to ask God's help to turn my perspective around.
So today I'm grateful for...
Waking up and seeing my husband. Yeah, he's laid off again, but it means so much to me to have him with me when I'm going through rough patches. Maybe the timing was God-orchestrated. :)
Encouraging friends and family.
My veggie cleanse. I feel so much better, physically. I've lost some weight that I needed to lose. I have been exercising again, taking vitamins, eating healthy foods, making natural juice in the juicer, and have just been more conscious of my health overall. That can't be bad. I have 6 days left on the cleanse. I had intended to only do 10 days, but I felt so good after the 10 days that I wanted to keep going. When we finish the cleanse, I will be right about at the 1 month mark. I am sleeping better (when I'm not allowing myself to be stressed), eating better, feeling better and my skin has cleared up. All good things.
Being forced to remember that the value of life doesn't just rest in the NOW, it rests in the eternal.
Jesus. By his wounds I am healed. I'm grateful to him for those wounds.
An extra week of summer vacation! I thought cyber school was starting a week before it actually is. Kind of nice to extend summer an extra week. :)
My neighbor, Julie, who is in her late 70s. She is such a strong lady. She has endured a lot in her life, but she doesn't give up. She does all her own gardening, cooking, cleaning and housework and will probably keep going at it all for the rest of her life. She is content with a simple life. She takes care of other people and is concerned about them. She treats my kids like her own great-grandkids. She is hospitable. She is funny. She prioritizes faith, and I want to grow up to be like her. I've learned a lot from living next door to such a woman and I'm glad I can call her my friend.
Letting it go. There've been moments in the last while where I can feel my stress level rising. I can hear the fearful thoughts swirling in my head. But when I've quieted myself and listened for God's voice in the chaos, I have heard him whisper, "Let it go." I can't add another day to my life by worrying. So I'm continuously having to choose to let it go. God has his hand on me.
One of the dangers of stressful situations or worrisome, depressing times in life is that it becomes easy to block out the world and only focus on myself. Bad idea. There's a huge difference between taking care of myself and focusing on myself. I lose my ability to love and live a compassionate life if I'm only focused on myself and my own problems. So I am asking God to help me keep my eyes on the important things. I'm asking that he show me ways in which I can encourage other people and be his fragrance in the world. God, help me. :)