Heart in the Clouds

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Thinking.

"Standing on Old Ground"--Plaza Mayor, Madrid (Spain)



Today I'm grateful for...

1. Blue sky. It's a gorgeous day. Bright, cloudless, low humidity, beautiful breeze...so great for my soul.

2. Anxiety. Weird to say it because I've only ever told a few people. I struggle with anxiety every day--hourly, at times. I never used to have problems with anxiety, but lately it's been like a flood. But it helps me to empathize with those who are debilitated by it and struggle more than I do. I used to sit in judgment about people who had anxiety issues...I thought they just "weren't letting God be in control." I realize that's not really what it is. Sometimes it's chemical. Sometimes it's situational. Sometimes it's post-traumatic. It's different for everyone. But I'm grateful for my anxiety because it forces me to constantly examine my relationship with God and give it to him as often as I can.

3. Birthdays. I turned 30 again yesterday...hee hee. I normally love my birthday. For various reasons, though, it didn't start out well yesterday, but I decided to change my perspective and ended up having a fun time on a date with my kids. Then my friend treated me to a lovely slice of chocolate cake (with a stripe of cheesecake in it...mmm) and some cute birthday goodies. By the end of the day, it actually FELT more like my birthday. That was nice. I'm grateful for another year.

4. Music. It soothes me. It removes me from whatever hole I'm in and makes me think of other things. Music gives me wings.

5. Dust. Recently, I attended a funeral that was the product of a very sad and difficult situation. It stirred up a lot of things in me, including my anxiety. But I found myself saying, "God, you can make something beautiful out of this." And the song "Beautiful Things" by Gungor came to mind and stayed there. God can make beauty out of the dust and the ashes and the weeds. We just need to be reminded of that fact. God is in our sorrow, just as much as he's in our joy.

I guess what I am learning right now is to trust God. It seems to be a trend in my life, so I must REALLY need to learn it. Trust doesn't come naturally for me, especially when it comes to letting go of things or situations that I can touch or move or manipulate with my own hands. So I'm still learning.

You make me new. You are making me new.