As I said in my last post, I'm deconstructing all of my belief systems, and it's encompassing every area of my life. I find I don't currently connect with some of the popular evangelical viewpoints, but I'm not throwing the baby out with the bathwater (yet) when it comes to faith as a whole. I want to be open to learning and growing. I desire to be comfortable with questioning.
In this process of deconstruction, I am finding myself reviewing and questioning some concepts, ideas, and stories that have been part of my faith, ones that were considered to be absolutes--concrete. And like concrete, I am chipping away at them (in a healthy, open-hearted way) by my own need to do in-depth research and a lot of soul searching, as well as my desire to find out for myself what things I can personally accept as truth.
When I am confronted by these ideas that have been taught to me as fact, I am asking the question, "What information can I find about this 'truth,' and what do I actually believe about it?" I'm interested to see what remains when the chipping is finished (although, because I'm always researching, it will probably never be finished). Having questions and looking for answers is not the same as unbelief. In fact, I feel like a person's belief can be strengthened by seeking to find what is true, not necessarily what is taught.
This week, it's issues about faith, Bible stories I have questions about, and also what it means to be a Christian. I am also asking the question, "To be a 'Christian,' what is required of me?"
There are primary concepts, and those are what many would consider to be the basic truths of the Christian faith. These concepts include the existence of God, Christ's birth, death and resurrection, the concept of sin, and our need for redemption. Then, there are secondary and tertiary concepts, and those are what Dr. Beth Allison Barr, a professor at Baylor University, says are "the ones you have every right and authority to investigate and figure out for yourself how you feel about them." So that's where I am.
It is widely accepted that the primary concepts are the ones by which we determine salvation.
Do you believe in God? Do you believe He loves you? Do you accept that He sent Jesus to die for you and that Jesus was resurrected?
The secondary and tertiary concepts don't determine salvation.
Which Bible stories actually happened?
When Paul said that "all Scripture is God-breathed," there was no Christian Bible, no New Testament--there was only the Torah. Does that mean that only the Torah is God-breathed and the rest is a compilation of things we should know about? The Christian New Testament wasn't even compiled until the fifth century where a group of people chose the works they thought had apostolic authority.
Is the Christian Bible inerrant? Which parts of the Bible are meant for us to live by, and which parts are meant to teach us about the culture and issues of the day? There are a lot of varying views on that.
How old do you think the Earth is? Is Hell an actual place? Is Heaven an actual place?
What about the inconsistencies in the Gospels--how can we accept the Gospels as absolutely true, word-for-word, if the first of them wasn't even written down until about 35-40 years after Jesus died (the last was 60-80 years after)?
How accurate would they be, and can we say that they are the direct words of Jesus if they're written secondhand from stories that were passed, orally, over a long period of time?
If the ascension of Jesus is considered to be foundational to our faith, why is it not described in more places and in more detail?
As you can see, I have a lot of questions I'm pondering. Some don't have easy answers. Many people say that you just have to go on faith, but I don't think that blind faith is actually "faith."
I am reexamining different biblical stories (these I'm listing are all from the Old Testament, or the Torah, so far), and I am coming up with some internal struggles that, really, I have always had with parts of them. I clearly remember the Sunday School felt boards with the paper characters stuck on them in various scenes to visually describe the stories to children. Here are just a few of the many I'm reexamining:
Abraham--God tells him to kill his beloved, firstborn son as a sacrifice. Abraham agrees and pulls out his knife, but at the last second, God says, "Stop! I just wanted to see what you would do. Here's an animal to sacrifice to me instead." What would have happened if he had decided that killing his own child as a sacrifice was not something he was willing to do? What would God have done?
Lot--He goes to live in Sodom with his family, and two angels come to visit to see if he's righteous before God destroys the city. Some bad guys from the city come to his house and want to have their way with his guests, but instead, Lot offers them his virgin daughters to be gang-raped. God says, "Yep, he's righteous!" His family flees the city as God is blowing it up, his wife turns to look back in sadness at the city where she once lived (God told them not to look back), and God turns her into a pillar of salt.
Job--He refuses to curse God, even though he loses everything he holds dear, including his entire family and all he owns. But because he refuses to curse God, he gets a whole new family, and all new belongings, as well. So women and children are replaceable, just like belongings. But we use that story to show what great things can come your way if you don't get too upset at God.
David--He was considered to be "a man after God's heart." He is out on his roof one night, looks out and sees a beautiful woman, Bathsheba, bathing in her house (she was likely bathing in her house--not on her roof--because her period had ended and she was washing herself of her "uncleanness," as was the custom). He doesn't look away and go on about his business. Instead, he gets her to come to the palace where he uses the leverage of his royal power to get her into bed. Do you think she would say "no" to the king who has power over her life? Of course not! So, basically, according to modern sensibilities, that's rape. Then, David has her husband, Uriah, killed, so he won't be exposed. A prophet comes to David, and tells him that, because of what he did, Bathsheba's child will die. So Bathsheba loses her child because David raped her and had her husband killed.
There are a lot more stories I have thoughts and questions about. To qualify these and other biblical stories, Christians often say that the God of the Old Testament (or the Jewish Torah) is not the same as the God in the Christian Bible, specifically the New Testament. But if God is the same--yesterday, today, and forever--then that's not true.
So I am searching for answers that make some sense. On top of that, I am examining the many issues that have stemmed from evangelical "purity culture" and also the use of the Bible as a means to subjugate women. But that train of thought is for another day.
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