Starting Over

I started this blog back in the 2010s. I have hidden most of my old posts because I am starting again from (almost) the beginning of a new season of life, in a different frame of mind, and in a belief system that has changed pretty dramatically.

If you're looking for Gratitude Sarah or Super Positive Sarah, you have come to the wrong place, sorry. 

That version of me lived in a lot of denial, or at least the gratitude posts and the happy-go-lucky posts masked a person who was sad, isolated, questioning, and raw--a person who curated her vulnerability. 

BUT,

I am learning to speak my truth, whether it looks good to others or not. I am in therapy and becoming a therapist. My children are officially adults. I am learning that I belong to myself. I am in the middle of earning a master's degree, which is something I always wanted to do. I am singing in a band, which is something I always wanted to do. I haven't run long distances in a long time because running serves a different purpose for me now. 

Life has been interesting, to say the least. But I am more at peace now in many ways, and I am living more authentically than I ever have.

So if you want to join me on this new ride, please do. I am not sure where this is going, but I'm ready to see what's ahead.

Thanks for being a part of this new season.

Lots of love,

Me

A Valentine Letter

I wrote this post to myself in 2013. I have only just started learning what all of this really means. Older, wiser, perhaps a little more jaded. But I'm here. Love, Sarah

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Dear Myself,

I know I don't usually participate in Valentine's Day happenings very often, but I wanted to write you a little letter to tell you how I feel about you.

Every day I'm learning to love you more and more. Not just for who I think you should be, but for who you really are. I'm learning that you need love from me just as much as you need love from everyone else, and I want to learn to give it.

Sometimes when I catch a glimpse of you in the mirror, I don't immediately see the beauty there. I see wrinkles and ripples and stretch marks and sags. But what I need to stop and really see is the true beauty of a heart that is full and open. I need to see you for the dreamer, the writer, the runner, the singer, the traveler, the loving wife and mother, and friend that you are. You are lovely just as you are.

You are becoming who you were meant to be and you are letting go of the things that have held you back. I know there are times I've hated you and called you names. I know there are times when I've let other people do the same and I haven't stopped them. I regret those moments when I didn't stand up for you. But I want to change that...

I promise that every day I will look at you in the mirror and tell you that you're beautiful, and I promise to do all I can to make you remember that. I promise to love you, even when I don't want to, just because you are worthy. I promise not to hold you to an impossible standard, and make you feel worse when you don't meet it. I promise not to expect perfection. I promise to forgive you. I promise to remind you to take time for yourself and recharge. I promise that I will do everything I can to keep you positive and proactive.

I'm grateful for you. 

You are loved. You are who you are for a reason. There are gifts in your heart for the world that only you can give. You are worthy of real love. You are worthy of great friendships. You are worthy of the unconditional love of your children, though you don't always feel you deserve it. You are strong. You are capable. You are valuable.

I want you to remember the words in this letter, especially on days when you don't want to.

Love, 

Me